Fear. It's a kind of pervasive emotion. As my trip approaches (now less than a week away!), I have started to develop some anxiety. Yesterday, I decided that I was going to avoid it, so I spent some time watching tv. While reactions like this can be helpful temporarily, they are only useful in moderation.
This thought helps me with several things. I spent some time a few weeks ago planning for my return - for my goals and dreams back home. I've reached the point in my life when stages aren't just handed to me like high school and college. There is no graduation that comes from completing a set number of courses in real life. I have to choose and create my own transitions and my own pathways. Even this trip to India wasn't really the creation of my own pathways. But when I return, it's time for me to start working on those things. That's a good thing. A great thing, really. The planning and pondering makes me feel alive. It motivates me to do things, even though fear can come in as a paralyzing force as those plans are played out.
The biggest challenge right now is dreaming for things I can't quite plan yet. Things such as moving into my own place, building a garden or more, looking into grad school options, finding new supplementary jobs, etc. I don't yet know which of these things I'm going to pursue, or which order I'm going to pursue them in. What I do know is that thinking about my future and ways to live out my dreams makes me very excited. It makes me feel alive. And I can't let fear take that away from me.
So here I come, India! And soon enough, here I come, Indiana!
No comments:
Post a Comment